TeddyNappers

Yes.

It’s time to tell the tale of the TeddyNappers.

My childhood companion, Freddy Teddy - having made a suprise appearance at our wedding during the Best Men’s speech - has been Teddy Napped (it’s nothing to do with sleep I assure you - it’s like kidnapping, but with teddy bears.)

He was entrusted into the care of my sister Caroline, who apparently was overpowered by the Teddy Nappers and forced to relinquish him from her protection.

The Nappers have been communicating with me by email (with random taunts directed from teddynappers@gmail.com), and have also recently taken to sending me photos and threatening letters in the post. The last photo shows Freddy in a hole dug in the sand in what appears to be Cornwall, with the tide on the way in. He does not appear to have been harmed or restrained in any way, but I fear for the integrity of his fur (and his dungarees for that matter. Poor lil chap).

I will scan and send up copies of the ransom letters and photos in the hope that the relevant bear napping authorities will be able to assist in the retrieval of my bear.

A certain Mrs Michaela Kelly (my other sister!) is believed to be involved with the teddy nappers, and indeed was shown to have been using the teddynappers@gmail.com account from her computer after some remote sleuthing by Ed.

The email trail led from her to … my father! Who has apparently been stowing the bear away in his home. I have yet to investigate whether the bear has been moved on, although he probably has since my communications were intercepted and the password to the gmail account was changed away from the incredibly obvious “freddyteddy”.

Only time will tell when my bear shall be returned. I’ll keep you informed as to our progress.

In the meantime, Kat’s toys are raising a small army together, much like in Toy Story 2. Tigger is acting as ringleader currently, but it looks like too “cutesy” a band of toys to have any effect at intimidating the TeddyNappers, who have already proved themselves to be a cruel bunch, with far too much time and creativity on their hands.